“A walk to remember”

~1/3rd Walk~

Life doesn’t get serious. Well it shouldn’t be. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have been on this journey and neither you on one reading it.A little "personal experience" during the 1st year of my college stands up for the life that has been exciting and eventful. So without any further delay, here is the uncensored version of "my first time"......and it’s not what you are thinking. Yes, certainly not!!

There were five of us Vicky, Akky, Posh, Shabs and me. And to come straight to the point, 4 of us were virgins and the only person to have a little....,okay... quite a high experience was Akky and supposedly our leader from the front( for that night only, I may add). It was our freshers year and as every kid turning into a man we were also determined to end our drought.( Though I may add it was the last day for that semester, and after clearly fucked up in our final exams and by taking lots of savage criticism, we had finally decided to suck up and do this thing).

So here we are, a nice pleasant bar... Saturday night...10 pm... Four bottles of cold beer and four blank faces. That was the moment of truth. And surprisingly we passed it nicely without any of our soldiers down (atleast till then). Though the flaunty Akky had already ordered enough for him, for us to atleast remember their names!!Well last bottle empty, smokes died and we were off to our base.

On the way, home Akky suddenly started to show some abnormal symptoms. First of all he started to talk about a girl (well that was normal, courtesy bollywood movies, in fact it is a proof that u are actually drunk.) He talked about her in their school days. How they used to play around. How she taught him so much (I don’t know ....some of the bullshit things he might have mentioned). And then I don’t know, which one loved which one…blah-blah…He was really climbing up that “Romeo” ladder, that too really fast. And honestly I was climbing my- “don’t piss me, I don’t give a fuck” ladder with him. These love affairs have always been a headache to me. I mean why, why would I give a fuck about your girl when I don’t even know her. I don’t know her name. I haven’t even seen her. God I can’t even picturize her and think dirty!! [Ya we all do that] But what choice I had. (Okay, okay…smacking him hard was one option, but c’mon… I was drunk…he was my “buddy” at that time). So I tried to lift the burden up. I started with a simple question. “Dude what is her name??” “I am not telling you that.”!!

That scaled me to the top of “my” ladder and I lunged on to “I will kick your ass” ladder. For 20 minutes, he was drilling me with his stupid drivel and now he cannot even tell her name!! Oh boy, he was in for a treat. This was an obvious challenge and I gladly took it. I mean how hard could it be to make him say her name?? The guy was drunk…he was completely hammered. I just needed to hit him at the right spot. Just as in our bollywood movies.

[After another 20 minutes…]

 Man!! I’m gonna sue these bollywood bastards for real. Does anything what they show actually pan out, for real?!! Akky puked any information he could have in his peanut sized brain, EXCEPT that one word!! And it was killing me now. How’s that possible!!  Maybe there’s a vault inside everyone’s brain where you put your most sensitive information. And maybe that only you could unlock it. And maybe now that he is so drunk, he forgot his own code and he himself cannot retrieve that information even he wanted to!! Its genius. It could be the only explanation. It was time that I give up and give all due respect to that higher power for inventing such an effective mechanism to protect us from such vulnerabilities. I wonder what my vault has. Bill gate’s bank account password I pray.

And just when I was repenting on my so dumb prudence to not to smack him in his face instead and was reverting to my earlier choice…suddenly I don’t how but some inside gate opened. I was so determined to demolish that magical though ingenious “vault” that I opened some other gate inside him instead. And then followed the frustration, the anger, the blaspheming…, and how she left him or cheated him…and dash-dash-dash (if you missed, the “good” words…) Ah! I was so happy. And lively once again. I didn’t need a “name” now. When you are so damn dedicated to humiliate someone, you don’t need “names”!! You create some instead.  And those were pretty interesting and satisfying. For rest of the way I had equal participation in the discussion of “his” girlfriend. Middle finger to that vault, I broke his main system instead!!

Suddenly on the way back home, some "stupid" ass had a "brilliant" idea and I seriously cannot remember which one of us. "Stupid" as it threw us all in inconceivable trouble and "brilliant" as I had one of the most stimulating and furthermore much sought of adventures of my life. So instead of heading towards our college here were we - 5 drunken freshers, stalling on the empty streets at midnight and here it comes, decided to climb up a 3 km further ahead all night dark hill and that too seriously. We started towards our destination but oops......another huge twist which was seriously uncalled for. One of our soldiers has fallen down, if you know what I mean…ya ya you do, you drunken bastards!!....and take a wild guess who and make it the wildest for me......Akky!! Our leader had surrendered himself to his body. The two beers, one vodka, one jinn and a whiskey has had their say.

So status updated: four drunken college kids, empty roads, midnight, nowhere to sleep, the whole night to survive, a foolish desire to climb up a hill and a 5' 1'' unconscious body lying on the street in front of us. What else could you want more!!....how about some police guards looking for someone JUST LIKE US…drunk enough to get charged!!And I am not being pompous about it...I was just loving it. In the mean time inspired by "the great donkey (Akky…well can’t blame me…they rhyme!!) Vicky started to feel something inside him and started to act as if starring a drunken hero in a fucked up bollywood film. But well it was not for long before he got a real hard smack (actually two) on his cheek and got awarded for his so unreal performance. But the real problem still persisted. Akky was still unconscious. We were stuck. We could neither go back to the college, obviously we were not in a position to climb that hill then, nor roam around on the streets atleast if we didn’t wanted a criminal record for once......

So we picked him up and put him near the sidewall on some doorsteps. We were totally blank and bewildered as what to do. So finally, we decided to shake him off somehow. We needed water. Though I wanted much more than that, a bed to sleep, no one to disturb and no fucking shit like this...but for that moment water would have been decent. So I and Posh started to wander around looking for water. We of course couldn't ring anyone's bell and ask for it. After playing a treasure hunt like scenario for a bit we finally found a hand pump. I and Posh just sprang at it like thirsty tigers at a deer. We even bathed ourselves all over to get some relieve from the tiredness and the chaos that was created. By the way if you think a less than a 5 ft guy is light in weight, think twice. We did. We then took water in a bottle and started to find our way back to the rendezvous. And why is that, the bloody dogs have to chase anyone who is tired and baffled and are not in the mood to play with them at that moment. Also when do these bastards sleep!!

Anyway, we reached to our mateys who were really losing their minds and cursing Akky for such smart move. I dumped the whole bottle full of water upon him....and...??...Are you kidding me!!...Not even a finger moved!!...no no no...no... He didn’t left us...!! Atleast that’s what WE WERE HOPING. That called for a meeting and some prudence as well. All varieties and craps of suggestions came from all of us 4...punching him in his face, kicking in his balls, taking him to the hand pump for a bath......and believe me when I say it...one of them was to LEAVE HIM THERE AND SIMPLY GO!!...and as a matter of fact it "was" being considered.

[End of 1/3rd Walk]

They said....!!!

They said be strong,
I fought bravely.

They said have faith,
I never thought twice.

They said show trust,
I shut my eyes closed.

They said You will win!
And I teased failure.

They said and I did,
They ordered and I obliged,
They thought and I applied.

All of that, was what they wanted,
And instead I lived and I died.

"The joy I dream...."

I am walking down a path. But it leads to nowhere.

I think I am lost. But then this was what I wanted.

But this can’t be it. This is not the end.

It’s not what I started for. It’s not the joy I dream.

Rediscovering the way is what I look for.

Far from here I do see a light. A ray of hope instilled.

But it’s too far. It’s too scary.

I marvel if I would make it.

But I know I will find out. I know I will not give up.

Coz this is what I started for. This is the joy I dream.

Evil is not “me”,it’s the “I”!!

I build myself from others, I reached the height others queue,

I made myself stronger to withstand, the cult of modern and a few.

The hunger is never less, what I have is never more,

Things that would make me anything, now do nothing but bore.

Now I stall on empty roads, looking for the things I seek

But nothing to share, nothing to achieve, my existence remains a lost cause to me.

When will this hunger decease and make me free I would never know,

All I have done is broaden the line that once never existed between me and you.

Was it worth is the question I ask

For oneself without emotions is like an empty glass

All I want is a hug and not another lie

And someone to assure me the evil is not “me”,it’s the “I”.

[written during a class lecture in my 5th semester]

"Make Things Happen"

 (plz read a little slowly..not ficton...:_)

We always have been wishing and praying for things to happen. Do they really work? I wonder!!

I guess what works is actually "doing them" for real. People and by "people" I mean "us"(..Don’t get so frustrated nd start thinking the "who the hell r u?" stuff)...so I was saying we just want the things to happen. M not saying we don’t move a penny for it, but is it enough? Is it worth a "single" or a couple of tries??

Things are not so plain nd straight going some times...okay most of the times. What do we do . Pray? No. act? Yes. But my question is how far r u willing to drag this act of yours. You won’t succeed the first tym , I m sure. You will not succeed the second tym , I m hopeful, only if in the first place u had the guts to even try again. And if m lucky u will break couple of more tyms.

So now what?? I tried. I tried again, but what I got at the end-FAILURE. I did give my 100% but I failed again. Where is my reward? Well that’s what "you" think. You gave up just one step before u wud have actually got there. You backed down like millions others who didn’t have enuf determination to keep going. You were the same. Where was the reward. Well it "was" waiting for u . You just had to clear "all" the closed doors before it. And now u get to see a winner!!..And the biggest part it is "not you". Fortune always  favours the brave.

Today nothing happens with a first try. It is obvious. People (again "we" :-) ) try a second tym and fail occasionally. This is the tym wen we actually prove ourselves and try for one more time. And not just one more time...any number of tyms that are required to reach our goal. And why not? Are we losing something? Are we not man enuf to face challenges? “Just, please, for the love of god, don’t waste your life on wishes.”

"Challenge your boundaries". Overcoming an obstacle doesn’t makes you great or a hero,  what one might think, it only makes u deserving of the reward that others might only dream of.

We do say these things a lot.( again...I said "we") we post it in facebook. We like them. But what we never do is "apply to our lives".

You r not doing any favours on anyone by becoming an engineer. You r not achieving a "herculean" task by doing so as thought by many of my fellow mates. So stop making it into one. People have achieved so much that we as just simple engineers can’t think of.

We need to strive for knowledge, for intelligence, for success. You didn’t get into an IIT doesn’t means u have lost the right to do so. One should never give up on anything and anyone.

I never believed in luck or fate. You make yr own luck( at least that’s what I believe). But I also never gave everything to my goal. I tried once, again and that’s all. I believed in " everything’s gonna  be alright". I thought “what happens is for the best”!!

Well times have changed. And so have I. now I believe in   "making things happen  ". Getting hold of my life. Marching forward with my head straight. Let’s see what I will get.....

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